of diaper and formula milk

Hello hello,

Diapers

When I was preparing for Babylove’s arrival, I only bought 1 packet of NB Pet Pet to see whether it suits him. Alhamdulilah, he is a flexible and low-maintenance baby.

When he was a few days old, he had some red spots. I put some Mustela diaper cream and it cleared up the next day. After that incident, he did not have any diaper rash. Alhamdulilah. I heard, boys tend to not get diaper rash as compared to girls.

We received a packet of diapers from the hospital and a lot of sample packs. My parents bought a packet of NB drypers and NB pet pet. On top of that, his colleagues gave us 4 big packs of diapers. 2 packs of NB Mamypoko and 2 packs of S huggies.

He used all the sample packs because we wanted to know which is the most suitable for him and stick to that brand. We had narrowed our choice to Japanese brand because I read so many good reviews on them. And, we try not to support certain brands due to political boycotting. Anyway, it was fun trying out the diapers and comparing the sizes. Some diapers have really cute prints on them.

Basically, in my opinion, pet pet, huggies, drypers and pampers are of narrower cut. Mamypoko had a wider cut. Can refer to these links for more comprehensive comparison.

http://jashuat.com/the-poop-diary-diaper-brands-review-and-caring-for-your-babys-butt/

http://blog.myfatpocket.com/judging-me/a-useful-guide-to-diaper-sizes-in-singapore/

He is okay with all the diapers. No rash or whatsoever. Mamypoko has this wet indicator which is very helpful because you can easily know how wet his diaper is. Initially, I thought this is such a trivial point. You just change the diaper when it is every 4 hours. No need for this indicator. But, once you are a mom, you will be paranoid and worry about small little things. It is nice to know how wet his diaper is.

The indicator is vertical yellow at the crotch area. The line is yellow when is not used yet. It will turn blue when the baby peed. The longer the blue on the line is, the more he had peed. So, mcm best when you can gauge how much he had peed. Welcome to motherhood! HAHAHA!

After trying all the free samples and the diapers we received, we decided to stick to Mamypoko! Reason being it is a Japanese brand, of wide cut, has an indicator, nice packaging and prints on them (yupz, I can be shallow at times).

Price-wise, I leave it to the husband to compare. I have no patience to calculate how much each piece cost and compare with other brands. He then compare the price of a piece Mamypoko diaper from different shops. He discovered from his intense research that the kedai from our neighbourhood shop is the cheapest. Hahahaha! Suker hati lah. All I know is, there are diapers for my son to wear.

When my son was about 1+mth, he kept wetting his shirt near the waist area. In the middle of the night, I will teraser his baju basah and will need to change his diaper and pyjamas and it will wakes him up and he will cry and I will need to soothe him. The whole episode will take nearly an hour.  Kalau dier berak, his poo will flow from his peha. Stain his pants and I will need to hand wash it. Really leceh. I will need to change the bedsheet too. There was once his poop overflowed and dirty his onesies and pants when we were outside. Wah! Messy affair.

I realised that he is outgrowing his NB Mamypoko although his weight is still within the NB range. We then proceeded to change his diapers to S Mamypoko. Oh! Make sure your son’s penis is pointing downwards. Hahaha! Words a mom would use on daily basis. Penis, poop, breast, nipples etc. Hahahha!!

So, till now, he is still using S Mamypoko. There, that was how we decided on his diapers. He used around 7-8 diapers daily since we change his diaper every 3-4 hours.

Milk Powder

He is 80% on breastmilk. We introduced formula when he was 4 days old because he kept crying and I had no confidence with my colostrum and breastmilk and my nipples were cracking. I was in total pain and he was hungry. So, we introduced formula. Of course, I prefer breastmilk. Susu Allah buat is definitely better than susu manusia buat. But, I’m not against formula. If no choice, what to do.

My husband bought Enfamil. He just stared at the shelf and bought what is most expensive since it is most promising. Fikiran consumerism. Hahahaha! I strongly think my son has his father’s appetite. Semuer boleh and tak cerewet. When I was pregnant, I ate everything! Semuer raser sedap and I was open to trying new food. I ate petai, egg yolk, taugeh with much delight! Skarang, I’m back to my normal tastebuds.

Anyway, my son mcm his dad, tk cerewet. He took to Enfamil well. I was still pumping breastmilk and alternate breastmilk and formula. My nipples can stand pumping. They cannot take the baby’s suction though.

It took him 1 month to finish up his Enfamil. We then bought Karihome Goat’s milk. After much reading on goat’s milk, I like the idea of giving him goat’s milk instead of cow’s milk. Just taking the off-beaten path and not follow the crowd. Tak nak mainstream gitu. Hahahaha!

He took it well but did not poop for 2 days. Paranoid us blamed it on the new milk powder and decided to just listen to our parents and buy S26. He is still drinking 20% formula and there are days when he did not poop for 2 days too. So, I think it is not Karihome’s fault. Hahaha! We did not return back to drinking Karihome because they only have 0-6mth and then jump to 1-3years. So, we are still sticking to S26.

I’m glad he got his appetite from his dad. He drinks all the 3 brands of formula we gave him, my chilled and frozen breastmilk too. Alhamdulilah. I was worried he reject my frozen breastmilk. Anyway, that will be in other post. Tired already. Hahahaha! Bye!

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of post-partum recovery

Hello all,

I’m back at work today. I thought I will be bawling my eyes outside my office but it quite the opposite. I had a warm welcome from everyone and it kinda feel great to be back at my workstation. Love the familiarity. I’m pumping at work. Will talk more about it when I have stabilised my pumping routine.

I think I will blog more often now that I’m in front of the computer 5 days a week. So many things to share!

First, my post-partum healing journey!

First 3 days were packed with the hospital stay, visitors, going home, storing away freebies and just learning new things.

Come 4th day, I remembered waking up and crying because my hormones were haywire. I was tired of not sleeping well since the day before I gave birth. The endorphins from giving birth had settled down, visitors went back and I slowly realised the baby is here to stay. No breaks, no time-out.

And, I started to feel overwhelmed with maternal love. It came with a bang. So strong that I don’t know how to handle it. I felt so in love with him sampai I cry. Cry, thinking I will not be a good mom. Cry because I’m so bersyukur to have him. Cry, feeling appreciative of my mom and her sacrifices. Cry over some negative comments because I’m so protective of him. Really, I was emotional and was so not ready for that surge of strong maternal love.

4th day post-partum was my hardest day. I woke up crying because pain was all I felt the moment I woke up. My whole body was aching, pain from my breast, pain from my cracking nipples and absolute pain from my episiotomy stitch.

I was on the bed when the kakak urut came. It was my first post-pregnancy massage session with her. She asked me how am I and I started to cry! I’m not someone who will cry in front of others. Tapi, that moment, I felt so overwhelmed. I was like a wreck. I felt so broken. Like, my body does not feel mine. The perut jangan cakap. What with bloated tummy, stretched marks, dry skin, dark patches on my neck and many other stuff you new mummies will discover.

She asked me what was wrong and I told her my whole body hurts. She was so gentle with me and talked to me like I’m a child. For that moment, it felt so good to be taken care of. Her attention was on me and I can truly relax without thinking about the baby. No conversation about the baby.

Her massage was gentle yet pleasantly painful in a good way. I told her I was worried my milk has not kick in yet. My nipples were cracking. The baby cried so much because he can’t latch well. I had to give him formula and I felt such a total failure. Like, I was just pouring everything out! She listened and told me to relax. Not to cry. She massaged my breasts and told me the milk will come in a day or two. She said that the tummy will reduce in size after the massage sessions. She told me my episiotomy stitch was hurting because it was healing and dissolving. After a week or so, it will fully dissolves and recovers. It felt so assuring to hear all these comforting advices from her. She kept reminding me to not dwell too much because I might have post-partum depressions if I continued like that.

After the massage and when she was making her way out, she purposely reminded me, in front of my mom, not to cry anymore. Wahhhh! My mom terus stared at me and had that ‘What’s going on?’ face. When the kakak urut left, my mom jumped and asked me why I cried. Hehehhehe! Just said my stitch sakit jer.

There were a few times when I preferred to just stone in my bed and not meet anyone because I was so tired of unnecessary advices or comments. I must say that husband’s support really plays an important role here. First few weeks can be quite challenging. I find my breastfeeding journey and emotional imbalance were the most challenging ones. My son slept most of the time so it was quite easy taking care of him.

The stitch healed in about 2 weeks. After the 2 weeks, occasionally, I felt a dull achy pain internally. I think the wound internally blom heal btol2. Lagipon, I walked a lot.

For pantang, I intended to follow for a month. But, going through the pantang, I can’t take it! I was not even following the pantang strictly.

What I followed strictly for 2 weeks:

  • Pakai bengkung
  • Wear socks
  • No cold drinks
  • No heavy food after 6pm
  • No squatting down or carry heavy stuff
  • No showering after 5pm

After 2 weeks, I started to feel rimas duduk kat rumah. Tired of the confinement food and just got so restless.

Decided to go out for a late lunch at Fika when I was 14 days post-partum. Hehehe! Best! I was still conscious of my food intake, though.

I started to take public transport to go shopping centres and my parents’ house from 2 weeks onwards because I’m was so rimas! Hahaha!

Weight-wise

My weight when I was about to give birth was about 67-68kg. A week or two after delivery, it was around 56-58kg. I had a bad case of water retention so I guess that huge chunk of weight is due to water retention. Massage really helps to get rid of water retention and reduce bloated tummy. I was so thrilled to see my normal size feet and legs. Yes, my betis and peha all so gemok biler pregnant.

After a month, my weight was 54kg. And, it stays that way for a while and slowly reduces to 52kg and now it is 51kg at 2.5mth post-partum.

I guess the weight loss is due to breastfeeding and not being able to eat properly because I can’t seem to put my son down for more than 15 minutes without him crying.

My tummy masih ader a roll of fat. Ni kene exercise to tone the muscle. Hmmmm. Ni yang malas part. Nak exercise2 semuer. I thought of joining aerobics class at CC. I can’t do Zumba. I’m hopeless with dance steps. Berterabur! I will stabilise my daily routine and see whether I can slot in an aerobics class. With work, I’m already spending less time with Babylove.

Okay, will continue some other time. Getting sleepy here at work. 3 more hours before I can go home.

Our first family getaway

Me, Khalil and Babylove will be going to KL this Friday. We will be taking the coach to KL! Hahahaha! We did not want to take flight for our first lil getaway because I think 2 mths old is a tad too young for flight. I know it is safe but I’m paranoid for their delicate ear drums. So, we limit ourselves to coach destinations or anywhere that we can drive. I don’t fancy us driving because I feel mcm takder quality time spent pasal he will be driving and I will be at the back seat. Not many conversations can be made.

So, we decided KL is the best option since it is familiar and quite baby-friendly.

I’m more excited than nervous. Can’t wait to have our first family holiday. We might be bringing our stroller. Initially, we debated not to bring the stroller along as it is just too troublesome; the flight of stairs when taking the overhead bridge, when crossing the dangerous road, bumpy pavement, trying to shop etc etc etc.

But, we wanted to have wonderful meals kat KL. It will be a tad difficulty kla pakai carrier biler makan. I have tried eating outside while babywearing him. It is possible tapi it is not as enjoyable as putting him in the stroller. On the other hand, most of the places that we wanted to eat in are not exactly stroller-friendly. Hmmm, still not sure nak bawak stroller tak.

We will be taking the coach from Boon Lay Shopping Centre and alight at Imbi. The hotel we will be staying in is right in front of the station. We will be basically going to Berjaya Times Square, Pavillion, Publika & the area around Masjid Negara. The more I think about it, the more I think stroller is more of a nuisance than an advantage. Nak naik cab leceh. Don’t even think of taking the train. Nak push at pavement pon not that convenient and safe. I think I will not bring the stroller.

I will be getting a new carrier. We have Ergo but we will only use it when he is a tad older at about 6 months as his spine is not ready for structured carrier. I did not buy the infant insert because I think he will not like it. Currently, I’m using Boba wrap. Love how snug he is when I wrap him in it. The negative thing about this kind of wrap is that I find it difficult to take the baby out. I use Boba wrap for short trips like going to Jem, Westgate, Jurong Point or taking the public to go to my parents’ place. The furthest I went using Boba wrap when going out alone with the baby is from Jurong to Woodlands. However, I find it hard to take him out. I only take him out when we are already at home or in somebody’s house. Boba wrap is not suitable for long period since taking him in and out is very challenging. And, it is impossible to breastfeed him in public as I need to untie the long stretch of cloth.

I will be buying a ringsling. I did not buy a ringsling earlier on because I foresee the weight on 1 shoulder will be uncomfortable for me. That was why I choose stretchy wrap. However, it will be easier to take the baby out to breastfeed if I use ringsling. So, I’m buying a ringsling for myself.

I am breastfeeding him 85% of the time. When we are outside, I will breastfeed him in the car. I will give him formula when we have visitors at our house eg.my parents, PIL or friends as I don’t feel comfortable going in my room for 15 minutes to nurse while they wait outside. I still have not master nursing under cover in front of other people. If I were to go to my parents’ place, I will nurse him in a locked room.

For this KL trip, I aim to breastfeed him in public, either in nursing room or under a cover. This is one of the reasons I’m excited for this trip. I want to truly overcome my fear of nursing under cover in public. I’m nervous if he is screaming his head off and I’m fumbling with the nursing cover, my top and bra.

End of the month, I will be going Melaka with my family by car. I hope to be able to breastfeed him 75% of the trip. I’m nervous about nursing my child under cover in front of my dad and brother in law. Mcm segan gitu.

Back to KL trip, we will be bringing 2 backpacks and a carrier. I think we will just ditch that stroller and tinggalkan kat rumah. Excited much! Excited to bring our Babylove. One day, we will bring him further and by flight when he is a tad older. InshaAllah.

of lil mister sunat

It is 2.40am now and I just finished doing 2 rounds of laundry, cleaned the house and washed the dishes. Why 2 rounds of laundry? Because we changed the bedsheet yesterday but lil mister peed on the newly changed bedsheet and that means loads of laundry. Hahahaha! It was my fault because I did not fasten his diaper. Pasal ader orang tu baru sunat so kene air his privates.

This sunat episode really awakens my maternal instinct and love. Now I know how it feels like to worry when your child is not well. Tak tenteram hati. The nurse said that he will heal in 4-5 days. My friend also said by 5th day, it will tanggal sendiri. So, I was really looking forward to the 5th day because I was worried for him. Come 6th day (which is today), his ‘cincin’ tak tanggal2. Really worried. Hope besok dh baik.

Backtrack a bit. We decided to do his sunat when he is 1+mth. Following my friend’s recommendation, we took Dr Saifuddin Bin Sidek at Novena Medical Centre. We were told that 1 parent can come in to accompany the baby during the procedure. My friend’s husband was able to go in and be with his son.

The payment is ard $450 by medisave and $50 by cash. We were comparing with Dr Khairul (Pristine) whereby one parent can accompany; payment is $200 by cash. We decided to pay more using medisave instead of cash.

Anyway, we did not ask how the procedure is going to be. I think there are two kinds. The sunathrone method or the conventional method of wrapping the wound with bandage and waiting for it to dry. Actually, I have no idea pasal sunat semuer. I just follow my friend’s recommendation. The one we did was sunathrone, I think. It is the cincin method and not the bungkus method.

Upon reaching his clinic, we were told no parent can go in. I was irritated lah because I was not mentally prepared to let my son undergo the procedure without anyone accompanying him. Tapi, what to do, dah sampai ponnnn.

I wanted to pass the pacifier to the assistant so that it can soothe him. But, she refused. Hmph!!! She took him in and I can hear him crying from outside. Ya Allah, sedih hati ni. Kept telling myself, sunat ni buat untuk Allah. Ni satu ibadah. Kene tabahkan hati. Sakit skit jer. He quietened down and biler kluar dari bilik, he was all quiet and mellow. I straight away stood up and carried him. Tak kasi chance to my MIL. She was also there with us. Biler angkat dier, I felt so relieved dah selesai yet raser pilu because I knew it was painful for him. I felt as though I betrayed him because a few days prior to the procedure, I kept telling him jangan takut pasal abah ader, temankan Yusuf biler sunat nanti. Abeh, biler sunat, he was left all alone. *Cryyyyy*. Sedih tao.

Aftercare

After the procedure, he was very quiet and mellow. I was worried. Tanyer my MIL asal dier mcm diam jer. She said maybe it was the injection or whatever they gave him that might cause him to be ‘stoned’. Aaaarghh! Thinking about it made me so pissed. They did not even brief us what they are going to do inside the room. I do not even know dier kene injection or what. I do not even know what they do to him.

An hour later, he started to be fussy and cried the whole day. They did give us painkiller to give him, 1ml every 6 hours. Tapi, he was crying so badly. The next 2 days, he was fussy and cranky as per expected. Nak dukung jer. Which I dnt mind cumer I was worried and resah because I was not sure dier sakit or just uncomfortable.

I bathe him as per normal. That was what they told us. Semuer mcm biaser. Mandi and pakai diaper like normal days. However, I did loosen his diaper and air his privates biler dier tdo.

Anyway, I really doa he heal soon. I think it will take a day or two since it is halfway dah kering. Tak tenteram hati seorang ibu biler anak sakit. Now I know how that feels like. Ni baru sunat. I cannot imagine what other moms went through biler anak sakit lebih terok. Ya Allah, jauhkanlah.

my stay in NUH

After I was sent to the ward, I thought the painful part was over. Nopez. I was still having contractions because still on drip to help the uterus shrink. The contractions were painful enough to make me grab the bed rail for like 30 seconds. Like a bad menses cramp. I was getting impatient with the pain because ingat dh abis. So, I requested for painkiller.

I went for my first pee. I was naturally takut lah cos ppl say it will sting. I was literally shaking kat toilet because

  • my whole body sakit
  • I was scared
  • my body still recovering from shock

Nak duduk kat toiletbowl took forever. And, I realized mcm susah nak pee. Like, you don’t feel any sensation or control. You want to pee tapi mcm susah nak keluarkan. Hahahahaha. TMI. But, I wanna share so that you can be mentally-prepared for all these small little surprises.

So, how was my first pee? Not bad. Not painful. I sengaje pee at the stitches because my makcik told me it will heal faster. Don’t know how true tapi pee jer lah. After that, cuci per so does not hurt to try.

And, a huge glob of blood clot kluar. Wah! Best feeling ever! I then truly feel lega. Like, everything is out. Ohhh! By now, my tummy dh tk ruper mcm perut. Really scary. It was jelly-like, squishy, berkedut and so disgusting.

Next scary thing to overcome is the salt bath. The nurse will fill a small tub with warm water with salt solution and put it in the toilet bowl. You will then sit in it and rendamkan your stitches. I thought it will sakit giler because salt and raw wound = crazy pain. Surprisingly, it was soothing. Feel so relaxing to soak your sore bottom in warm water. So, don’t fear salt bath.

I stayed in the hospital for 1 night. NUH is so pro-breastfeeding sampai first night they expect you to sleep with the baby. I know they want us to room-in but I didn’t know that include malam. Like, what the crap seh. Org tgh sakit camner nak jage baby.

The night nurses were bitchy. They asked me why my baby crying. Kept telling me I should latch him. I lost count how many times I heard the word ‘latch’ during my stay there.

Seriously, I appreciate this pro-latching and skin to skin thingie but I pay the hospital bill for a reason. My nipples hurt, my stitches hurt, my whole body hurt, son was screaming and I don’t know what to do.

The nurse came and checked on him. She tskked me and said he pooed. I was like, What the heck seh?! I’m expected to change his diaper? It is painful to get down the bed and stand up. Every time I stood up, I felt a rush of blood and sharp pain at the jahitan. Tgh sakit, they expect you to carry your baby from his basinet and nurse him and check his diaper and change his diaper.

I then cleaned him up for the first time. I was ashamed to say I was disgusted by his black gooey poo. I was not ready for all this.

I was more irritated with the nurse lah. I was tired and sleepy and in pain with a screaming baby. I tried to soothe him for an hour or so. Pressurizing pasal I know I was disturbing other patients. End up, the nurse told me they need to bathe him. I was like huh? Mandikan kol 2am? Yupz, he had his first bath in the middle of the night. They took him to the nursery for an hour.

They then passed him back to me. I was thinking mesti sakit nak turun katil every time he cry. And, by the time I finally reached his basinet, he would be already been screaming for good 5 minutes. So, I took him out of the basinet and put him on my arm. We then slept together through the night. Awww, our first time snuggling to sleep together.

The next day, I woke up and had my shower. It was a slow one pasal my whole body masih sore and sakit. After the whole shower, I felt better but so drained because it took a lot of energy. Tip: Best to have your meal first baru have your first shower.

I then had my breakfast and the doctor checked my stitches for any bleeding etc. Went for a demonstration on how to bathe and care for your baby.

I then got discharged. Tip: You will receive loads of freebies from the hospital so it is best to ask your family member bring back flowers and gifts so that you will have lesser things to carry.

Yeah. Will blog about my confinement and breastfeeding journey soonish.

Delivery story

Hi all,

Yes, I gave birth nearly 1.5 mth ago. I typed the delivery story a few days after giving birth tapi tak sempat nak post it up.

So, this is the delivery story of Mohamed Yusuf Syazwan Bin Mohamed Khalil.

16th Jan, Friday night

As per normal nights, we went to my parents’ place after maghrib to have dinner with the rest of my family members. We then proceeded to my PIL’s place to just spend time with them. Reached home nearly midnight and like any other nights, I can’t sleep. I used my hp and then did some exercise. I will do exercise at night cos I got bored and restless. Walked around the bed and did 30 squats. Usually, I will only do 10 squats. Malam tu mcm extra rajin. Did some stretching and went all fours to do pelvic thrusts.

17th Jan, Saturday 5am (39 weeks + 1 day)

Felt heavy discharge. Went to toilet to discover I had bloody show. My pantyliner was soaked with red blood. I was not sure muscus plug and bloody show is the same thing tak. Tapi, still excited! Bcos I have been waiting for some early labour signs. The only signs I have been having is frequent bowel movement for a week. Woke Khalil up to tell him. I asked him whether he wanted to see the bloody show tak. He took a look and I then went to toilet to change. Weee! Excited! Dah ader bloody show! I estimated maybe on Monday will give birth since I read labour will take place a few days after bloody show.

5.30-6.30am

I started to have some menses-like cramps. I know they are contractions so I started to time them. First few contractions are 10 minutes apart and quite regular. I then thought hmmm, maybe by afternoon kene gi hospital. Continued monitoring the cramps. They got closer around 6-7 minutes apart which lasted for a minute or so. The cramps were uncomfortable, exactly like how you are having menses cramps. Uncomfortable tapi manageable ah. Just lie down in bed and closed my eyes.

6.30am-7.30am

I downloaded the contraction apps pasal I think the contractions mcm too regular and too near to each other. Why so near but the pain is manageable? Ni dah 6 minutes apart. 5 minutes apart, we should be making our way to hospital. But, the pain is still okay.

I do not want to rush to hospital because I prefer to go through most part of the pain in the comfort of my home. I woke Khalil up again and told him maybe we go hospital at 9am. I wanted to have a long shower, eat heavy breakfast, solat hajat and clip my nails first.

He said okay and proceeded to the kitchen to make me some breakfast.

I was still lying on the bed. Suddenly, one painful contraction came. Like, woahhh! What was that? Why suddenly sakit sangat? I started to bend over the bed to sway my hips, groaning. Another one came! I crawled up to the bed and lie down. I know I should not lie down when having contractions but I just felt so tired. This one was a real killer! I was in so much pain! I screamed for Khalil. He rushed in and was so shocked. Asal?!

I told him I NEED to go hospital NOW! He was like okay! Lets siap2. Suddenly, I felt like I need to shit. I quickly went to the toilet and berak. After that, another strong contraction came. By now, I was panicking because I felt the urge to push. So, I pushed. Ni cannot help it. Your body will auto push. I was scared ah because I felt so heavy at my birth canal. I can feel the head literally resting at the opening. I went to lie down on the bed. Khalil told me not to push. Don’t push!

I was begging Khalil ‘I can’t do this! I can’t do this! I can’t do this! I can’t! I just can’t, Yang!” I was sobbing and pleading while grabbing his hands because it hit me how painful contractions are. Another contraction came and I pushed and gush of water literally sprayed out! I was like “Is that my water bag bursting?!”

Khalil checked and he said “ya, that’s your water bag”. The water is not really clear. Mcm ader lendeh2 and mucus.

I was in real desperate mode now. I suspect I’m only in the beginning of labour. I have hours to go. Camner nak tahan tak pakai epidural?

I was holding his hands and just curled up near his lap. He told me I can do it. All your friends able to do it. You can do it too.

By the time the contraction went away, I was panting and was so tired. I told him I was scared to stand up and get ready. I knew the contractions will bring me to my knees. Confirm takleh berdiri. I was panicking pasal camner nak gi hospital kla tkleh bangun. And, I don’t want him to let go of my hands when I was having contractions. His presence was my only source of comfort. I was that scared! I don’t think I can go through a contraction when he is driving and not holding my hands. Imagine how panicked I was. The ever calm him told me that we must get ready in between contractions and cepat2 gi hospital. I was like okay.

Quickyly went toilet to shower. Sempat shampoo, berus gigi and pakai sabun semuer. Lepas abis, a contraction hit me. Wahhh! Sakit giler! I was in the toilet, I auto went down on my knees and just kneel forward like tgh sujud. I screamed as the pain engulfed my whole body. My face was literally few cm from the toilet floor and I was clutching the selipar toilet. Seriously, part tu dah tak kesah bersih ker kotor or kesah whether I scare the neighbours with my scream pagi2 buta.

Khalil was preparing my clothes. He quickly closed our bedroom window. He saw me on the toilet floor and I saw his expression. Real cuak! He told me he wanted to have a quick shower. I was like maner sempat! He said sempat. I was like sembarang ah. I was in so much pain to argue. Khalil prepared my jubah to wear. Sakit2 pon, masih cerewet. I decided to pakai long sleeved shirt and pants instead since it is more comfy. (Later in the hospital, I was pleased to know that my green tudung matched the hospital gown. Note: bring matching tudung to your hospital top).

By the time I put on my clothes, Khalil dah mandi and siap pon. I grabbed my phone and bag and told him to get me a cup of air zamzam. I drank and selawat. I poured some on my stomach and doa semoga semuer berjalan lancar.

After drinking the air Zamzam, another contraction came. I was at the front door. Depan2 pintu, I went down on my knees and groaned. I tried not to scream tapi I think I let out some animal sound.

At this point, I just feel like crying. Mcm nak baring and just cry and beg Allah to take away the pain. Tapi, my brain told me to quickly make my way to the hospital. Sampai void deck, another contraction came. I need to grab on something. I quickly went to the kerusi batu bulat and hug the kerusi. I was on my knees and hugging the kerusi and just screamed my heart out. Like, I dnt care who dengar and whether I was on my knees. I heard a neighbor asked Khalil whether I was okay. Khalil said, ya, we are going hospital.

Dah abis contraction, I quickly went in the car. By now, I knew the pattern. I have a minute or 2 before another contraction came. I braced myself in the car. I grabbed the handle atas the pintu and clung onto it everytime ader contraction. In the car, I started to calm down and selawat or istighfar throughout the contraction instead of screaming.I knew that the contraction is painful but I will be brought back to reality safely.

Wanna know how you feel biler tgh contraction? You feel as though you were sucked into a tunnel of pain and all you feel is pain. When you think you can’t take it anymore, the tunnel open up and release you.

The scary part is when you think the tunnel will suck you till you will eventually die of pain. Like how ppl always say mcm bertarung nyawa. That’s the scary part. Thinking you will die of pain. After a few rounds of contractions, you will get that you will not die (InshaAllah) and you feel calmer and more ready biler the contraction start. You will ride on the pain and came out okay.

7.50am-8am

Sampai NUH, I had one more contraction. Pintu dah bukak but I was clinging onto the car and biting my lips. No way am I going to scream in front of everyone. Went onto the wheelchair. Khalil was fussing about with my feet supports. I was like “Just go! Dnt care about the kaki!” I was desperate because I knew another contraction is coming soon and I dnt have anything to grab onto in the wheelchair and I dnt want to scream depan orang.

Masok lift, contraction came. I screamed my lungs out in the lift! Hahahahhaha. I was literally telling Khalil to run.

Sampai delivery suite, I was pushed for examination (At NUH, they have few beds at the back for examination. They will not push you straight into the delivery suite). They wanted to see how far along I was. After examination, they will determine whether you should masok delivery suite, go ward to wait for labour to progress further or to go home.

Sampai the bed, I was hit by another contraction. I grabbed the nurse’s hand desperately and squeezed throughout the contraction. She was telling me to relax, breathe and not tense up. I opened my eyes and just looked at her desperately while breathing through the contraction with her. Dah abis, she asked me to change clothes. Baring, another contraction came and I screamed. Nurses rushed in and a doctor did VE on me. Sakit ah. I literally pushed his hand out lepas he pronounced I was fully dilated and will give birth by 8.30am.

8-8.15am

They pushed me into one of the delivery suite. They got ready and I removed my clothes and tudung. They put on a top for me.

8.15-9.05am

I started to push. I was initially scared to push so hard pasal I was scared I would tear or burst open because seriously the pressure was very very strong. Mcm can push all my intestines and internal organ out kla I all out push. That was why I controlled my pushed. Which was very stupid because I was wasting time and energy. (Note to mummies-to-be: trust your body and push all out. Your intestines tk akan terkeluar or meletop. However, you might tear).

They then put me on drip (the solution to promote contractions) because my contractions are too short to sustain successful pushes.

One of the nurse who is old (You know those old-timer nurse who is so grouchy and bitchy) told everyone I’m not pushing hard enough. Damn irritating seh. I just snapped and told her to shut up. Yes, I said Shut Up to her.

One of the nurses was shocked when I said that. Irritating giler! Mcm lah sengaje nak take my own sweet time pushing when I was already in pain. She then went out of the room.

2 other nurses were very supportive and positive. After few minutes of pushing, 1 prof, 2 doctors and 1 student doctor came in. Truth be told, I was irritated because the room was initially quiet with just us and the 2 nurses. Then, they came in and were so noisy. Like, saper kater they can just barge in and suker2 look at me pushing?

But, adat hospital school. Mesti nak blajar per. The Prof introduced himself and told me I need to relax my legs and not tense up. Lepas tu tk irritated sgt pasal I need all the tips available. (We did not have any birth plan because I wanted to go in without any expectations. That was why the medical team came in to take a look).

He went out and the other 2 doctors (Male and Female) and student doctor (Female) stayed on.

8.45am, I was still pushing. I was taking too long to push and getting tired. One of the nurse told me let’s aim to give birth by 9am. Once and for all. The other nurse told me kla tk, I will have to do C-sec. Tu mcm scared tactic but it works ah. I was like, no way am I going C-sec after going through this far not taking up epidural and gas. And, I really wanted to breastfeed and recover asap. C-sec was my greatest fear.

That was like a wake-up call for me. Mcm dah semangat on this pushing mission. No more half-hearted effort. I focused on pushing and the female doctor suggested assisted delivery aka vacumn. I was okay. Aper2 ah asalkan the baby is out. So, as I was pushing, the male doctor pressed my stomach to help assist the baby out, the female doctor did episiotomy on me and used vacuum to pull the baby out and the 2 nurses and my husband cheered me on. It was painful when the doctor pressed on my stomach tapi I need all the help to push the baby out so tahan jer.

I was closing my eyes all along and just pusheeeddddddd.

9.05am

I felt the baby slipped out. The feeling mcm scary. Like, one of internal organ terkeluar. I knew that it was the baby tapi I opened my eyes to re-confirmed. Maner tahu bender lain terkeluar.

TMI, while I was pushing, I didn’t realized I passed motion a little. My husband told me after the delivery. Even if I was aware then, I think I will be tak kesah langsung. Biler tgh sakit, dh tk kesah pasal malu.

9.05-10.45am

They placed the baby on top of my stomach. I expected to feel emotional or overwhelmed with love. Tapi, I was not. I was very mission-like. Like, what’s next. I reminded the doctors that my husband wanted to cut his umbilical cord.

We took photos while my husband cut his umbilical cord. Amek gmbr mcm cut birthday cake.

They proceeded to stitched me up. They asked me whether I wanted the baby on top of me for skin to skin. I rejected because my legs were shaking, I was still having minor contractions and was still in pain. Shaking after delivery is normal because your body is still in shock.

They then placed the baby on the weighing machine and did all the necessary tests and jab. My husband was with the baby.

The student doctor tried to stich me up. The pain was excruciating! Like, I kept trying to close my legs pasal sakit giler. They did give me injection to numb the area but I was still in pain. The doctor asked whether I wanted gas. I rejected pasal I do not want to be drugged up. I want to be conscious and carry the baby asap.

The student doctor tried few times but it was too painful for me. The doctor then took over. Tak sakit sgt when he stitched me up. Sakit ah tapi tak sesakit when the student doctor did it.

You know kat atas ader this lampu like operating theater. There is mirror around the light. So, I can see what the doctor is doing. The tear is like 5-6cm long! I can see how he stitched me up (mcm jahit baju), I can feel the thread but it was borderline painful.

At the same time, I can still feel contractions and constant need to push since I was still on drip. The doctor was teaching the student doctor while he was stitching me up. Part ni mcm nak snap at him ah. Orang dh sakit abeh lagik nak take own sweet time and teach. But, I reminded myself to be patient. Asalkan baby dah keluar, it’s okay.

I then pushed the placenta out. Lepas dah pushed the placenta out, raser lega. Like, finally, I feel my stomach kosong. I told Khalil to take the photo of placenta and then take the baby to azankan. Told you, I was so mission-like. Maternal love haven’t set in yet.

I took video of the husband azan. After that, baru boleh relax. All done.

They took the baby to nursery. I told my husband to pass me comb. I started to comb my hair and try to look presentable. (Remember was rushing to siap2 gi hospital. Tak sempat sikat rambut. Just tied up my wet hair and pakai tudung).

He then went to park the car in the carpark.

The medical team left us to rest and to monitor my statistics.

10.45am

I was pushed to the normal ward together with the baby. Alhamdulilah.

Will update on my time in hospital and after-birth recovery soon. In sha Allah.

of strawberry cupcakes

Putting up some cupcake photos for memory sake because I dnt think I will be making any in near future. Not a cupcake fan with all that frosting. I find the colour of the frosting too barbie pink. Should have chosen something darker or redder to make it more strawberr-ish. Taste-wise, I like it but find the frosting too sweet for my liking. And, frosting is a nightmare to work with. So messy and sticky!

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of love

Im 36 weeks today. Somehow, I am more relaxed and not really motivated to do much in regards to the baby stuff. I have yet to wash his clothes and few stuff are still halfway done. Nowadays, I have been relaxing and catching up on my sleep. I can’t seem to be able to sleep at night. Usually, manage to fall asleep 3am-6.30am with a toilet visit in between.

Been spending more time with the husband and family.

I have 3 more working days next week. I will be working on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Took AM leave on New Year eve since it is a half day.

I will then take 5 days AL (5-9th Jan) followed by my ML starting on the 12th of Jan till 6th Apr. Excited! Best nyer takyah keje! Starting this week onwards, I will up my walking routine. I plan to walk more daily and climb few storey of staircase. Not so much. Maybe just 3-4 storeys and 1 round around the neighbourhood.

The husband has this routine of talking to the baby the moment he wakes up. He will give salam to Y, tell him to wake up, dah pagi ni, and tell Y to wake me up. And, Y will start to squirm and give me some strong stretches and kicks. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Both the husband and I will be tickled by Y’s reactions. Alhamdulilah. Such a blessing. The best way to start my day. Alhamdulilah.

The husband will also constantly talk to Y throughout the day. He will give some teka-teki. Hahahahhaha! Like, the typical lame teka-teki. Eg. Banyak2 binatang, binatang maner paling kaya? He will actually wait for some reaction from Y. Then, the husband will ask ‘’give up’’? He will then say the answer… Beruang!!! Abeh, ketawer sendiri. Hahahahaha!

He will tell Y that kiter nak solat. He will touch my tummy and tell Y to ikot Ibu solat jugak k. *Melts*. Such nikmat.

I pray those who are TTC will be blessed with this nikmat too. However, if Allah have better plans for them, may they be patient and accept the blessings with open heart and keredhaan. Ameen.

As the days passed, I’m starting to miss being pregnant. Hahahaha! I’m definitely taking more photos nowadays because I love my stomach now and how it is showing. On top of that, I know the journey is ending soon. I’m going to miss his movements in me.

Sometimes, I miss this lil Babylove. I will touch my stomach and feel so much love and longing for his presence. How can I miss someone whom I have never met before? How can I miss someone who is so close to me, he is literally in me, yet I feel that is not close enough? I want to touch his skin, smell his breath, hear his voice and just hug him tight.

I love you Babylove. Loads. Beyond words.

of 34 weeks update

I’m supposed to have my 34 weeks appointment on Friday. I was not working but I was so tired and was not feeling that well.

The appointment was supposed to be at 11.30am. I called them and re-arranged for it to be at 4pm. After making myself breakfast and doing some stuff, I was still not feeling that well and was still lethargic. So, I decided to just not go for the appointment.

I called NUH just now and the next appointment will be this Wednesday. I wanted to push to later date but semuer dh full. I’m left with 3 MCs for this year. I have 5 AL that I can bring forward to next year.

Since my EDD will be 23rd Jan, I’ve decided to take 5 days AL from 5-9th January. Will start my maternity on the 12th January. That means I will be taking my ML 2 weeks prior to my EDD. I hope he come out somewhere in week 38 so that I can spend more time with the baby before returning back to work. Aper2 pon, ni semuer rancangan Allah.

The nursery is shaping up well. I’m left with little things to do and some minor decoration stuff. Will upload a photo soon. This is one corner of the room. Babylove’s cupboard which we bought the moment we have our house. It only cost us $20! Hahahahaha. I remembered Khalil and I buying carrying 2 of these cupboards, 2 study tables and 4 chairs. Imagine just the 2 of us. Hahahha! I love how smangat-kental we can be, sometimes. The bookshelf was from Khalil’s old aka single room at his parents’ house. Bought the letterings from Typo. Need to hang that airplane to the ceiling. Yeah! Alhamdulilah.

bookshelf

For the nursery, I’m left with:

1) Sewing 1 side of the changing station

2) Buy crates from Art Friend, paint the inside of crates and drill to wall

3) Buy frame, put the Arabic poster in the frame and drill to wall

4) Buy mirrors and drill to wall

5) Sew another set of cot bed sheets + pillow cases

6) Wash and iron his clothes. Put in a Ziplock bag, if need to

For myself, I’m left with:

1) Buy mesh material from Arab St and sew myself a nursing cover

2) Buy nursing bras

3) Buy binder

4) Arrange for another waxing session

5) Arrange for another massage session

6) Increase my reading of surah Mariam and Yusuf

7) Increase my kurma intakes (a friend told me it will decrease the chance of jaundice. Dnt know how true and will continue eating them)

For the house, I’m left with:

1) Cleaning of fans

2) Cleaning of windows

3) Stocking up of food

Anyway, moving on. I finally know how to order stuff from qoo10. Hahahaha! I’m like so lambat ah. But, skarang dah pandai and I ordered so many stuff. Hahahaha!

  • I bought this fruit blender that can make smoothie and change the lid to bottle.
  • I bought like 8 cute socks. Hahahha! Btol nyer act cute socks. Those with cartoons and pokka dots and tiger stripes. Will wear biler confinement or when I feel like acting cute kat rumah. Hahhahaha!

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Will wear them when I give birth. I imagine myself being on all fours when giving birth since I find this position the most comfy for me. During the antenatal class, the nurse showed us several birthing positions. We tried them all and told us to decide which is the most comfy for us.

Since going on all fours, bending over the bed or hugging the bed headboard while kneeling is the most comfy for me, I decided to wear my own gown. Hospital gown is bare back. Not going to spend hours bending over and exposing my butt to everyone.

  • I bought pool noodle for the baby cot. Will upload the photo soon. In sha Allah. It was a same day delivery. Impressive!
  • I bought an infused water bottle. I love infused water. Lemon is my favourite. I bought infused water bottle because it is easier to drink since the pulps are all contained in a compartment. Super love this!
  • I bought my hp battery since my battery dah rosak.

Yeah. Little things like these make me happy. The husband will be having his lessons tonight. So, I think I will have Ya Kun Kaya Toast for dinner later. Hmmm, can’t wait!! Fat runny eggs with cripsy kaya butter bread and hot rich Milo. Yummylicious much!

of a messy nursery

This is how the nursery is looking right now. The photos are greenish because I took them at night and am too lazy to edit.

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The cot will be pushed in between our bed and wall. Will insert pool noodle in between the cot and bed to prevent the baby from rolling away. Underneath the cot, is the nursing pillow, a rocking toy given by my sis and his bathing tub.

Will take the bookshelf from his parents’ house and arrange the books.

To sew curtain tie-backs and some cute wooden owls to the tie-back.

His stroller.

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Need to sew the changing station cover. This is a Ikea Besta Burs desk. Initially was in the master bedroom for him to study. But, the room is cramped with the cot. So, we used it as changing station and Khalil study at the living room table.

Am still considering to place the changing station here or beside the bed. Will need to hand some items above the changing station. Most probably patterned fabric bunting or some frames. Will place a mirror beside the changing mattress so Babylove can look at himself when we are changing him.

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The diapers are given by Khalil’s colleague. Will store the diaper in a container below the changing station. Need to organise the stuff and wash Babylove’s clothes.

Have yet to order decal! Some many things to do, so little motivation and drive. All I want to do now is sleep. This weekend. Will do it. Yes, I will.